Before I really understand this word means…
I do feel angry with myself, thinking how stupid I am and questioning why is everything could goes wrong in every way. As much as i want to blame on him, but i can only blame myself. As much as mean my words to hurt him, but it became hurt myself. I always point my finger on him but then i realized it does no good.
Then i start…
I admit that I am not that innocent.
I can only take a responsibility for me.
I can only save myself.
I face my daemons.
I stop making an excuses.
There’s no point to cursed every single things on what was happened to me. I can’t keep ignoring the problems. I start to say in the first time “I am sorry” and it is feels good.
I want him, I still do but in a different way. Not as mine, but as someone that I could make a story at.
All of these lessons learned is always in the hard way.
Now i know..
I want to grow up and I wish you could too.